The “Shame Cycle”: Addiction and Depression in Covertly Depressed Men

“With each new failure, my father became more bellicose and dismissive. And as his attitude worsened, he found it ever more difficult to succeed. The defenses one chooses to avoid shame often afford relief while breeding more shame. Addiction experts have termed this pattern a “shame cycle.” The covertly depressed man’s defensive maneuvers or addictions... Continue Reading →

Batterers, Abandonment, and Love Addiction: Jimmy’s Story

“Jimmy, like most of the male batterers I have encountered, suffered from both forms of addictive intoxication: the need for merger with an abundant other and the need to wrestle nature, as represented by his wife, into submission. Shirley helped me see the connection between the two forms of intoxication in a couple’s therapy session... Continue Reading →

The Hollow Men: Covert Depression and Addictions

“That is not to say that covertly depressed men are not fully responsible for their offending behaviors. But it is clear that the stable ratio of women in therapy and men in prison has something to teach us about the ways in which each sex is taught by our culture to handle pain. Men make... Continue Reading →

Overcoming Covert Male Depression

“For the covertly depressed man, what lies at the center of the defense or addiction is the disowned overt depression he has run from. And in the center of the overt depression lies trauma. For some men the underlying injuries are blatant and extreme. For others, they are seemingly mild, even ordinary. And yet, for... Continue Reading →

Male Battering of Women as Medicating Covert Depression

“When Jimmy lashed out at Shirley, he was, as one abuse expert terms it, “offending from the victim position.” This is perhaps the most common pattern of male violence toward women. Flooded with depression and feelings of victimization, Jimmy used rage to physiologically pump up his sense of deflation. Research shows that rage simultaneously releases... Continue Reading →

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