Teaching Men to Be Emotionally Honest

“His voice quavering, the young man stammered something [...] about how women can be as insensitive and hurtful as guys. He sounded like a victim himself. But afterward, when I asked him if he had reached out to any of his guy friends for advice or solace, he stared at me, incredulous, his irises two... Continue Reading →

Gloria Steinem, Preface to “Women Respond to the Men’s Movement”

“Make no mistake about it: Women want a men’s movement. We are literally dying for it. If you doubt that, just listen to women’s desperate testimonies of hope that the men in our lives will become more nurturing toward children, more able to talk about emotions, less hooked on a spectrum of control that extends... Continue Reading →

Touch Therapy / Talk Therapy: Intimate Labor and Nurturing Femininity

“A common convention among women I interviewed was that some clients come to the dungeon for the intimate though not necessarily erotic, skin-on-skin experiences that they are lacking in their private lives. One pro-domme spoke to this phenomenon, as well as to the idea of the displacement of complicit masculinity in the dungeon, when she... Continue Reading →

Christmas and Subjective Well-Being

“[...] Respondents surveyed in the period shortly before or at the Christmas holidays generally report lower life satisfaction and lower emotional well-being compared to respondents whose interview took place outside of the Christmas period. [...] In this perspective reduced SWB [subjective well-being] at Christmas is a result of perceived time pressure, social obligations and, maybe, financial... Continue Reading →

Sometimes I Cry: The Toxic Hypermasculinity Of Black Men

"Sometimes when I'm alone I cry because I'm on my own The tears I cry are bitter and warm They flow with life but take no form I cry because my heart is torn and I find it difficult to carry on If I had an ear to confide in I would cry among my... Continue Reading →

The Approach-Avoidance Dance, Excerpt from Intimate Strangers: Men and Women Together by Lillian B. Rubin

“Intimacy. We hunger for it, but we also fear it. We come close to a loved one, then we back off. A teacher I had once described this as the “go away a little closer” message. I call it the approach-avoidance dance. The conventional wisdom says that women want intimacy, men resist it. And I... Continue Reading →

Overcoming Male Depression

“David,” Elaine says evenly. “You need to tell Terry about hitting Chad.” “I didn’t hit him,” David says sullenly. “Whatever.” Elaine shrugs this off. “It needs to be addressed.” David hovers for a moment between fighting and giving in. Then he sighs, leans back in his chair, and tells me the story. “Chad was walking... Continue Reading →

I Don’t Want to Talk About It, Prologue

“In high school, my father saw two boys he knew drown. One kid got pulled out in an undertow off the New Jersey coast and his friend evidently dove out to save him. This tragedy became one of the central metaphors of his life. “A drowning person will grip you,” my father told me, “if... Continue Reading →

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